Being Okay With Being Alone

One of my biggest fears growing up was the dark. There was something about the sudden feeling that everything around me had disappeared that terrified me. Maybe it was all the ID Channel shows my mom used to watch at bedtime, but I was convinced someone was going to break into our house and take everything I loved away from me. I would wake up in the middle of the night and run downstairs to my mom's room for comfort. The thought of being alone, even for one night, was simply too much to bear. As I got older, the dark stopped being so scary. I eventually learned how to sleep by myself. I stopped running downstairs when I heard a noise. I don't think the dark ever actually scared me. I think it was what the dark represented that did. The idea of having no one to lean on when things got scary really terrified me. But somehow, I managed to grow from it. I learned that what I was afraid of didn't exist. The fear never completely went away; it just changed.

Being alone stopped looking like a dark bedroom and started to look like an empty weekend. It looked like plans falling through, friends hanging out without me, and no missed calls. Along the way, I got really good at filling the empty spaces. And I don't think I realized I was doing it. I see a lot of posts and shows with big friend groups, and for a long time, I thought that was how it was supposed to be. I think a lot of us are taught that being surrounded by people means having a happy life. It can make being alone feel like you have done something wrong. But there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I used to think they were the same thing. If I were alone, I assumed I was lonely or missing something. Someone was missing. Something was missing. Now, I know that being alone doesn't mean something is missing. It means there is room for something else. Room to learn new things about yourself, room to connect with the people who do call, room to read a new book, and room to realize what is actually important to you. There is something really freeing about realizing that your life doesn't have to stop just because no one else is available to participate in it. You can still enjoy your weekend. You can still go somewhere, read a book, watch your favorite show, or simply spend time with yourself. And maybe most importantly, you start to realize that the people who do participate in your life, even if it's just a few, are the people who were meant to be there. I think it's important to know the difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone isn't something we always have to fix. Sometimes, it is just a little bit of space to get to know yourself again.